Bruichladdich The Laddie Ten
Ursula Stearns felt a headache building from the base of her neck that crawled through her skull and bored into her eye sockets. She took a slip of cold coffee from the mug on her desks and scowled as she pushed it away. The men on her computer screen used a forklift to move a massive steel drum from one end of the concrete bunker to the other. She strained to see through a mist of block pixels on the live video stream. She didn’t know what was in those drums. No one at the DTRA did. That’s why she was watching.
There were seven webcams in total, each streaming the production 24 hours a day on a public website. She didn’t know how many other people around the world were watching or what they were looking for, but chances were that they were watching the men in their yellow smocks and gas masks as keenly as she was.
When Mark Reynier received the anonymous email requesting that he mend one of his webcams, he didn’t think much of it. In fact, he was glad that someone was watching the distillery cams at all. He replied thanking them. The return email was generic, but had the letters DTRA at the bottom and he felt the hair on his arms stand on end.
Ursula received Mark’s email and after receiving permission from her supervisors replied:
‘I work at the Defence Threat Reduction Agency. Our mission is to safeguard the US and its allies from weapons of mass destruction (chemical, biological, radiological, nuclear and high explosives). Our area deals with implementation of the Chemical Weapons Convention, so we go to sites to verify treaty compliance. I still find it very funny that their chemical processes look very similar to your distilling process. It just goes to show how “tweaks” to the process can create something very pleasant (whisky) or deadly (chemical weapons).’
We couldn’t make that up. That is the email Mark Reynier, the managing director of the Port Charlotte distillery, received. Ursula’s bosses at the DTRA hastened to point out that they do not consider Bruichladdich a threat to world peace.
The Islay distillery, which was founded in 1881, still uses Victorian dilatation equipment, which is of grave geopolitical concern. Bruichladdich Scottish Barley – The Classic Laddie was created by Jim McEwan from whisky matured in American oak casks and chosen to represent the classic unpeated distillery style. We are trying desperately to work a pun about the whisky being explosive into this review, but unfortunately it isn’t that kind of whisky. Humour is so often terrorism’s first victim.
Nose: Surprisingly floral like freshly cut wild flower put into the barrel of a gun
Mouth: Fruit pops on the tongue like Clicquot champagne bubbles drunk on V-day
Throat: Being in a French trench and eating toffee from a tin sent from your sweetheart back home
Verdict: 4/5 – Buy a bottle of it because alcohol can be man’s worst enemy and the bible says love your enemy.
Each year, Bruichladdich produces 16,000 cases of WMDs (Weapons of Mass Drunkenness). This is cracking stuff and worth getting your hands on. We can understand why the US government was so interested in it.